Monday, October 4, 2010

Day 2

You know how the second song on every album is kinda slow, more ruminative and maybe a bit of a downer? Day 2 of a diet (excuse me, new life plan with a BIG focus on food choices) is kinda like that.
But it's all about the follow-through, as my currently rich and formerly lusty Uncle says.
All I can see is a sea of denial-- misery and shouldn'ts and cant's to the end of my days.
Sruli gave me such a pep talk today-- of course he called it coaching because he loves me and wants me to be happy but I know old fashioned "mussar" when I hear it.
I love him too and that makes it harder to hear.
Everything is upside down.
I am happiest (I thought) when I have the warm and fuzzies and my family is around me and there is a groaning board of food and "mashke" and I let it all go and just-- yeah.
But I should (I now think) be happiest when I am in control.
I think (I thought) self-denial makes me sad. I don't like people who get off on denying themselves pleasure or food. It carries over and makes them selfish and pinched.
But (I now think) that embracing denial--as in no thank you to the pumpkin muffin-- should make me happy because I am able to take care of my health, my looks and--carrying over again-- my life.
It's true what he said today, Sruli, about my losing interest in lots of future plans because hey, who wants to get up on stage if you're never gonna get to wear that fabulous red empire dress from Lucky that you bought as a "let's be optimistic" or even look that great in the dresses you already have?
Told you, second song.
Anyway, the good news is-- I ATE SO MUCH LESS TODAY THAN YESTERDAY!
Had: 2 fried eggs in Pam
One Dannon coffee yogurt
One chicken breast with salad
handful of almonds
handful of blueberries
(you should hear how cutely Charlie Re says blueberries)
One small platter of steamed mixed veggies
(We went to the IKEA cafe tonight-- I think it was called SVERDLUK)
I small bowl of Grape Nuts with raisins and walnuts.
Of course I'm starving....

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