Sorry for the inconvenience

My gym costs me ten dollars a month (!) so you can imagine that I don’t expect much, but it’s surprisingly great.

The locker rooms have marble sinks, powerful hot showers and bathroom stalls with a good ratio of in-swinging door to placement of commode. Both husbands (sequentially, of course) have frequently heard me lament the lack of space (in so many, many places from the Metropolitan Opera to Molly Pitcher’s Rest Stop on the Jersey Turnpike) to actually enter the stall before my pants/skirt/sweater/coat is in calamitous contact with the usually-spattered front of ladies’ toilets --yuck!

Anyway, the gym also has tons of cool equipment, hot Spanish guys in wifebeaters and tattoos, treadmills and stairmaster-type machines galore, and happily available 7.5 lb weights that I use to attempt Michelle Obama arms.

They only have one scale in the ladies locker room and I decided tonight that I would alight upon it (ha ha) in order to mark for real my progress or lack thereof.

It wasn’t in the main room so I scouted and as I approached, I noticed a handwritten

note scotch-taped to the top. It was from the management.

It said: “This scale works but it adds between ten or fifteen pounds to your actual weight.

Sorry for the inconvenience.”

Since last I blogged we have been insanely busy.

Saturday we played 2 Bar Mitzvahs—(herring, one tiny potato pancake, a few bites of chicken breast and really only two bites of prime rib, and a bowl of fresh fruit cup—BarM #1; and one tiny potato pancake, 2 bites of pizza bagel, one handful of curley fries, one pile of asparagus and green beans, and one scoop of chocolate ice cream with chocolate sprinkles and after I ate the sprinkles in the melted ice cream I dumped another huge spoonful of chocolate sprinkles over it and ate that too—oy it was already almost midnight—2 glasses of cranberry juice and one glass of Cabernet—BarM #2.

Sunday my friend came over with her fabulous new baby adopted from Ethiopia and we cooed for hours while my baby twins smiled with interest and respect. My chicken soup wasn’t ready in time so we got Chinese and I had chicken with broccoli and white rice and 2 big spoonfuls of sesame noodles. Had a waffle for breakfast—Lowfat, Eggo, whole grain. I also made one for the dogs—their FAVORITE food.

Monday we had a crazy day in the City with 4 appointments to see sites for our camp so I ate nothing all day except an iced coffee and then came home and ate tons of my chicken soup which, the babies agreed was “DEEEE-licious!”

I also discovered Turkey Hill brand low fat frozen yogurt. Had a bowl of banana split just now, but today also included tuna salad, a multigrain bagel, 2 plums, 4 or 5 Wheat Thins, chicken soup—and that is all.

I’m really gonna have to start—shoulda been doing this all along, duh-- carefully weighing myself, and carefully portioning out my food.

Sorry for the inconvenience.