You know how the second song on every album is kinda slow, more ruminative and maybe a bit of a downer? Day 2 of a diet (excuse me, new life plan with a BIG focus on food choices) is kinda like that.
But it's all about the follow-through, as my currently rich and formerly lusty Uncle says.
All I can see is a sea of denial-- misery and shouldn'ts and cant's to the end of my days.
Sruli gave me such a pep talk today-- of course he called it coaching because he loves me and wants me to be happy but I know old fashioned "mussar" when I hear it.
I love him too and that makes it harder to hear.
Everything is upside down.
I am happiest (I 
thought) when I have the warm and fuzzies and my family is around me and there is a groaning board of food and "mashke" and I let it all go and just-- yeah.
But I should (I now think) be happiest when I am in control.
I think (I thought) self-denial makes me sad. I don't like people who get off on denying themselves pleasure or food. It carries over and makes them selfish and pinched.
But (I now think) that embracing denial--as in no thank you to the pumpkin muffin-- should make me happy because I am able to take care of my health, my looks and--carrying over again-- my life.
It's true what he said today, Sruli, about my losing interest in lots of future plans because hey, who wants to get up on stage if you're never gonna get to wear that fabulous red empire dress from Lucky that you bought as a "let's be optimistic" or even look that great in the dresses you already have?
Told you, second song.
Anyway, the good news is-- I ATE SO MUCH LESS TODAY THAN YESTERDAY!
Had: 2 fried eggs in Pam
One Dannon coffee yogurt
One chicken breast with salad
handful of almonds
handful of blueberries
(you should hear how cutely Charlie Re says blueberries)
One small platter of steamed mixed veggies
(We went to the IKEA cafe tonight-- I think it was called SVERDLUK)
I small bowl of Grape Nuts with raisins and walnuts.
THAT'S IT!!
Of course I'm starving....
Oy.
Well, baby twins are already a year and a half, I'm about to embark on a new "bidness" and I'm starting to make crooked eyes at all those hot-moms-my-age who show up as guests at the Bar Mitzvahs I play and who leave lots of white space on their plates from the buffet.
Oy-- it's time.
My diet nazi from 7 years ago (yes, that's the last time I was giddy with how I looked) was adamant about keeping a food diary-- she was adamant about everything-- and I decided that the best way to ensure compliance with my new caloric reality was to confess all to people I don't even know-- and even more scarily to people I do.
Oy-- it's time.
I am Jewish and I LOVE to eat. I love everything about eating-- the smells, the textures, the preparation, the serving, the parties, the crockery from Jerusalem's Armenian Quarter. I love breakfast, I love lunch and I love dinner. I love cereal I love salad I love pizza I love pasta and I love good multi-grain bread toasted with peanut butter. Plain tart yogurt, frozen, with a zillion toppings. I love Cabernet wine and Kentucky Bourbon and peach schnappes. I love rotisserie chicken. Really good Chopped Liver. Love lamb chops. Hamburgers with sauteed shrooms. Falafel. Grilled Salmon. I love almost every side dish or soup ever invented. I love chocolate desserts and fruit desserts and sesame desserts.
I don't love every single food-- cheese, except on pizza, grosses me out, like I used to say.
But there seems to be a bounty and since I'm the mom and Queen of the Kitchen, since I'm an adult, actually, I can pretty much buy, prepare, and eat whatever I want.
Ok, enough lollygagging-- here's what I ate today:
(Oy, like I can remember...? no, you idiot, this is the whole point!!!)
16 Wheat Thins with at least 3 tablespoons of peanut butter (this really has to stop)
A rotisserie chicken breast and a half with a ton of sauteed spinach and one medium sized baked potato
A lot of watermelon.
Iced coffee with sugar even tho I told the babe at Dunkin Donuts not to put sugar in it
6 inches by 2 inches (that's how it's sold!) of that yummy sesame crunch snack with honey
to eat with the sugary iced coffee
One half chicken breast (a chicken day-- my big boys were home (yay!!) and that's what they wanted) plus 2 helpings of Trader Joe's quinoa and a small amount of corn/lima bean mix plus a few baby carrots dipped in Hummus, oh, and half a wheat roll. Hey, at least it was wheat.
Concord grapes and a few raspberries.
Wow-- I think that's all, but it's a lot. Upon review, we are a bit carb-heavy, aren't we, Lisa?
I DID however, go to the gym and had a pretty good workout with 4o minutes of cardio and about 2o minutes of weights plus situps, etc.
Ok-- I also see that I am NO WAY going to lose any of this disgustingness if I don't have some NORMAL way of measuring and if I don't cut seriously back on these carbs.
Hmmmm. Portion control, what a concept.
Hope the thought of sharing this with all of you begins my happy embarrassment and perchance
my helpful shame: now that I know I'm writin' it all down...
Oy-- it's really time.
Thank you.
