Pretty much everyone I knew growing up had a job. Actually the same job, just at different places and of different strata—teaching.
My Dad is a professor, my mother was a Kindergarten teacher; all their friends and most of my relatives had some university or school connection.
I got a GREAT job soon after college at a fancy NY Advertising Agency—I had decided that a classroom was too small for my outsized sense of my own imagination. I enjoyed every minute of those 15 glamorous years.
And now, here I am with my own business, starting yet another one, and this afternoon, Sruli (ever so lovingly) looked down at me hunched over the computer and said: wow, you really have bags under your eyes.
We were dealt a really bad blow this week and we have been scrambling and stressing and struggling to survive.
Bags? Suitcases I have.
Anyway, he also said I was being remarkably resourceful, and takke I am, and this after I “bitched out” at him for a full four minutes because there is nothing like a setback to make you re-examine your entire life, work, philosophy, and husband.
My old friend Morris said he could never work for somebody else. I could, happily, and I was damn good at it. But I’d be lying if I also didn’t remember that ice-cold fright at being fired, when layoff season rolled around.
And not just being fired. Also explaining the Ortho-have-to-leave-early-on-Friday thing. Each time. Finessing the politics. Jockeying. And not being able to say with certainty that you can make it to a family dinner, or home before your little ones’ bedtime.
I remember furiously cursing the red lights on Queens Boulevard because they were robbing me of another few minutes of evening with my little Zachary and Aaron.
Makin’ the Boss happy.
I don’t have that kind of stress anymore (and I don’t have that kind of money anymore, ha!) but the new stress is frankly overwhelming and all my new own-ur-own business friends feel it.
I am my own Boss. And I don’t always make myself happy.
And I still don’t know if it’s “better” to be In Business for yourself or to work for someone else.
Whatever “better” means.
I’ll let you know when I find out.